Meditation

This week's devotional hit me so hard. I'm so guilty of minimizing my meditation time so that I can maximize time for tasks. I overestimate my abilities (nothing) and take on more than I can handle without stopping to rest with God and let Him fill me up, and I end up breaking down.

Last night is a perfect example. My mom's in Sweden right now, so I've taken on the responsibilities of the house. I felt really stressed out yesterday because I had a long list of tasks involving the house and personal things that seemed impossible to fulfill in such a small timeframe. Contributing to the blog was one of them. I was making it a TASK.. Though God wants this blog to be a refresher. Quality time with Him and a source of encouragement, wisdom, and challenges toward living a more Christ-centered life...

So I told God that I would come to Him, be put in the right mindset, and contribute to the blog once I had completed all of my tasks.. You probably already see where this is going. As I went about my tasks, little setbacks continued to occur, making me frustrated and overwhelmed. I became angry with God, asking Him why He was making it so hard for me to finish my tasks. I was on the verge of tears. K-love, the Christian radio station, was playing on my stereo, and a soft, beautiful song came on. I literally fell to my knees and just listened, softly singing along in exhaustion. I sat there for a good while with my eyes closed and just soaked in the music, soaked in the comfort. The moment I opened my eyes, everything looked different. God was there. And I had finally turned around to look at Him. I felt Him say, "Joy you foolish girl let me help you. Let me pour in the laundry detergent with you. Let me carry down the vacuum. It's too heavy for you. Let me carry these burdens. You just listen and be with me, and I'll help you." It was such an amazing truth I couldn't believe I'd been suppressing. I need Him to be filled up, to be complete, to do anything. And that takes time. You cn't experience God without stopping and listening for His "gentle whisper". He's not going to shout over all of the noise you're making.

I felt like Martha, focusing on all of the tasks, rather than focusing on who is most important, our creator. Once I came to God, I was refreshed. Everything else seemed to just flow together. Setbacks weren't a big deal. Because bring in the presence of God was the most important thing. Once you're there, everything else seems miniscule in comparison:
"We can either allow doing to flow out of our being, or we can become so pre-occupied with our doing that we neglect the true nature of our very self."

I really like where it says "The challenge is that the fullness of your creator is not something that you acquire. It is freely and extravagantly given. What lacks is the discipline..."

As much as I try to attain that fullness constantly, to feel satisfied and encouraged and loved, I can't. It truly is because I try, foolishly, to reach that mindset on my own. And I'm not able to. I'll never be able to. God provides, not me. When I'm disciplined enough to stop and ask and listen, God's goodness takes over and He fills every part of my being with His love and His acceptance.

We need to be "attentive" to God in order to truly see the world the way it is and in order to see ourselves the way HE sees us: lovingly and with grace and acceptance. When we "reflect" and "muse" and "ponder" on God, we realize that the world really isn't that big. Hardships aren't as complex anymore, because God overwhelms you with a sense of assurance and security. He makes it okay that you don't understand everything. You embrace the mystery instead, because God is so big and so omnicient and so good.